I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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