Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
