What tipped you off? The sombrero?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
