With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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