I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
