Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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