if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
