The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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