I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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