the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
