Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
