If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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