You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
