As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
