guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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