I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my liver is dry heaving
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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