RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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