I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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