Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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