nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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