Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
