I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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