Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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