whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
