So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember sheβs smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize