Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
