I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
