I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
