I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
