We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
