I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hippo gnu deer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
