bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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