: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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