I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
