I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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