I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
