so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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