My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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