the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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