just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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