I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
