So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
