insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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