My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize