I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it hurts more in the daytime
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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