Soap is not a condiment
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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