A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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