i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We are two peas in an std pod
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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