My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't deserve a penis
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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