how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
