Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
