he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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