Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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