at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
