goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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