He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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