he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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