Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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