oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
