on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i think i just lost a toe
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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